I want to note that I have not cared about myself all my life. We lived together with my mother, and when I was 11 years old, she got sick and grew very tired. I really felt sorry for her and did a lot of housework — even the garden was on me. I married early. A year later, I had a son, so I had no idea how I could leave him for my personal interests (at work, labor unions conducted excursions that lasted from 2 to 3 days, and I was constantly invited to participate). I rarely had colds. At the age of 30, I caught cold in my back, and I have suffered from spinal disc herniation ever since. But going to a health center alone was equivalent to imprisonment for me.
Mom was paralyzed. Six months later, she began to walk around the room, and for the next 10 years I had to be her life support. Last year, she lay almost unconscious. Then my aunt underwent a difficult surgery. I looked after her as well.
I lived with a tyrannical mother-in-law for 20 years. After my mother’s death, I went to her house and lived there alone. When the mother-in-law was 87 years old, we took her to our place, as she could not live alone anymore. I cared for her for at least 10 years. All the rest of my free time, I was busy with chores – children, household work, garden, sewing, needlework.
It was alien for me to get any pleasure for myself; it was hard to engage in my appearance, outfits, and jewelry.
My work was quite successful, there were no serious conflicts, I was always appreciated. After working for almost 5 years in retirement, I stopped working. In the summer, I wanted to go to the country and do my favorite things.
It was only 3-4 months after my retirement when my pensioner husband decided to get him an 18-year-old who naturally needed his money and gifts — there is no fool to the old fool, as they say. He completely lost his head and was about to sell his half of the apartment; he quarreled with his best friend.
For me it was a great shock, I could not imagine my life without him, and at the same time I felt very sorry when seeing his physical condition. A lot of time passed until, with the help of our sons, the husband came to his senses, said let’s forget everything, we will not return to this. He became very attentive to the family and did a lot of valuable and useful things. And I devoted all my time to matters related to the well-being of the family. I did more than ordinary women’s affairs (repair and construction work, work on the site, etc.).
It was in 2012, and in the spring of 2013 I fell. Doctors at the central district hospital determined a bruised lung, but did not say anything about the strongest pain in the spine. After several nights spent sitting (which was absolutely impossible to do), I decided to have a CT scan taken myself. It revealed a vertebral fracture, a hemangioma, and hernia, so they prescribed me pills and told me to wait for it to pass. At home, my husband was always at work and came home tired. My children lived in a different place (although they tried to pay me visits). My mother-in-law, who was 96, had been bedridden for a year, so she had to be turned over, dressed, fed, and washed. Cooking, cleaning, and washing — were all my responsibilities. I was very hurt, but I could not say that I would not do anything. I waited for the pain to go away for two, four, six months, and there was constant pain in the bones, and the stomach began to freak up.
And there was this terrible diagnosis. I did gastroscopy, and the doctor called me himself. He told me not to waste time at the local oncologist and go straight to the regional center; they will perform a surgery for free within a month. In fact, to get there you need to undergo testing (if it’s free for 3-4 weeks), then pre-register you in a week and, after the first visit, they will appoint you for a second gastroscopy in two more weeks, and there you once again need your tests.
There are many clinical oncology centers in Moscow, but it’s just useless to go there, as oncology is treated for free at one’s place of residence. And I have a fast-developing form of cancer. I heard cancer is not a condemnation, it is just had to be cured on time. A week after I found out about the disease, I turned to the oncological center in Belarus, I thought they would admit me to hospital and perform a surgery. But when they checked my CT and MRI scans, they said that they won’t do it, as it was too late for the surgery; I had cancer in my bones. We won’t make forecasts, but you’ll probably live for several months, they said.
It did sound like a condemnation. My condition began to deteriorate rapidly, my weight dropped sharply, scleral icterus progressed, pain was tormenting. I recalled my colleague who could not wait until she turned 55 and reached retirement age, so she could do what she loved. She retired, and a year later she was diagnosed with cancer; it was too late to perform a surgery. She had one course of chemotherapy, and a week later she died (two months after detection). After that, I could not make myself quit for two years.
I began to read information on the Internet. It said that with my type of cancer, if the bones are affected, then such a patient cannot be saved.
I was sorry that I did not have much time to do what I dreamed about. But most of all I was afraid of the idea of becoming bedridden, that they would look after me.
I went to the regional center, which made a painful impression on me. It’s just a meat grinder, where people are let in for show. They don’t answer any questions (what treatment methods are available, what kind of examination can be done), they only ask their questions on which you need to check the boxes. The doctor holds a CT scan in his hands and says it would be nice if you yourself (at your own expense) made a CT scan. I told him that he was holding it in his hands, but he did not say anything about it. Do a second gastroscopy and then come, he said.
My husband and children were worried about me. They took me to consultations and examinations. Through friends they found a doctor who agreed to take me to the test program for the new drug. But I didn’t have the receptors that the new medicine was acting on. I was enrolled in a day hospital for chemotherapy.
I read about my problem on the Internet, but couldn’t do it for a long time. The pictures and perspectives made me sick.
In early December, I found information about Vlad Svetoch’s Center of Self-Realization Psychology. I immediately wanted to get there in order to somehow free myself from painful thoughts. I did not want to talk about my problem with my relatives, I did not want to poison their lives.
After attending the first consultation, I felt that it was my salvation. I’m a shy person, I’m not used to talking about my feelings with anyone, but the atmosphere of the Center made me forgot about my shyness. I realized that Vlad Evgenievich can really help me. The cost of the course (which takes place in the center of Moscow) is not based on the income of an ordinary pensioner. I decided to use my savings, which would be enough (since I did not want to torment my loved ones) for the month at the hospice.
From the very first lessons, I felt relieved. Constant thoughts that I was in pain (which was quite tolerable), and it would be worse with every moment, and as the doctors said, I would very soon need the drugs — all of this was gone. On the contrary, I began to notice that my pain was comfortable. I did not have constant pain, I did not need outside help, I could do all necessary things myself.
Vlad Svetoch’s Center teaches to love and accept yourself. Having mastered this technique, you look at the world with different eyes, do not focus on the bad, but notice and appreciate the good.
While studying at the Center, I began to notice that my thoughts were changing. It was not my nature to think about my feelings, to analyze them. I figured that if I did not do anything bad to anyone deliberately and do not wish them bad and do not commit offenses, I live correctly. I often thought about the problems of my loved ones, felt sorry for them, and thought of ways how I could help them. Very often, for hours, days, weeks, or even more, I was depressed by thoughts of the “unjust”, in my opinion, deeds of any person.
Vlad Evgenievich taught me to pay attention to my thoughts, to evaluate whether I need them or these are negative thoughts that bring me harm and destruction. He taught me how to work with negative thoughts.
All the techniques taught at the Center are clear; they are easily and pleasantly performed. I want to note the pleasure I received from the healthy diet technique. Having learned about the disease, I read on the Internet what you can and cannot eat. One site says the product is useful, and another that it is harmful. Each meal turned into a painful procedure for me. I had to give up my favorite foods and eat what I did not like. It was a constant reminder that I did not have much time. But after applying the healthy eating methodology, food became a pleasure for me.
Vlad Evgenievich does not reject medical treatment; on the contrary, he teaches how to make the treatment much more effective and painless. When I started chemotherapy courses, they said it would be nice to do eight sessions, but you can hardly stand six. I was prescribed strong drugs that not only destroy cancer cells, but also have a detrimental effect on the whole body. Thanks to my psychological attitude, not only did I manage to withstand eight sessions, but also easily underwent dropper procedures, practically did not use antiemetic drugs, and my blood counts (test taken every week) did not drop to a critical level.
As a result of training at the Vlad Svetoch Psychology Center, I can control the state of my body myself. I no longer regret about money and time spent on myself. I’m less irritable. I began to pay attention to my appearance. I ceased to be shy. Other people’s actions do not upset me.
The change in my condition was noticed not only by my relatives, but also by completely alien people. When I started going to the Psychology Center, I entered the subway car, and people would not only let me take their seat, but literally jumped up. I thought, have people really changed this much? After about two months, no one got up when I entered the car. Occasionally, before taking an empty seat, young people let me take it instead.
Now it’s been six months since the start of training at the Psychology Center. The 8th course of chemotherapy is about to end, after which there will be an examination. An interim examination showed that the tumor volume has decreased. I feel comfortable doing the necessary things, as well as my favorite things. I don’t care what the examination will show. Even if the tumor remains, I know that it will not develop.
I’m alive! I returned to life thanks to the Vlad Svetoch’s Center of Self-Realization Psychology. Thank you so much Vlad Evgenievich!
